Today I walked up to 7-year-old Barak’s tennis coach and apologized.

Until the last-minute, I wasn’t sure if I will go through with it or not but then I did it.

Here is the story:

Barak is signed up for free tennis lessons provided by New York State. On Tuesday, we were running late and it was super-hot outside, so I told Barak that we will try to make it to the 2pm class instead of the 1pm class. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Apparently, Coach Will (let’s call him that) thought it was a big deal and told us to go home. Go home????

Now, I am standing there with four little kids and a stroller, all sweaty and barely breathing because we ran from the car across the park to the tennis courts. My little boy with a tennis racket in his hand cannot start to play and this guy is telling me: Go home – when its clear that if my son goes in to play no one will notice (around 30 kids split up in three courts).

I almost exploded.

Why? Because of the arrogance, and the lack of consideration, the inflexibility and the obvious inability to understand what its like logistically to make it to that lesson with four little kids.

Some quotes from Mom to Coach Will:

“This is ridiculous.”

“This is not my son’s fault. This is my mistake”

“There are obviously other younger kids in the group” (after Coach said this group is for 8-11 year olds)

“Who is in charge here??! Is there a main tennis office in the city???!”

Okay, so you are probably smiling now. I sounded kind of ridiculous and pathetic but it was a really hard day. I was so tired and I just wanted to help my son make it to his class.

Explaining the situation to my son

In the afternoon, Barak brought up the subject of some Chinese leader in history who told his people to burn all the books they own. I told him that I wasn’t familiar with the story but we can read about it if he wants.

Mom: I am guessing that he didn’t want the people to have access to knowledge. In general, leaders like to keep their subjects ignorant. Its more convenient that way.

Barak: So, leaders don’t like people who read a lot of books like me.

Mom: No, many leaders don’t.

{Now comes that part where I make a mistake}

Mom: Look at the tennis coach today, for example. He is a leader, right?

Barak: yes?

Mom: And he didn’t like it when Mom told him that he is wrong. See? Leaders don’t like people who can see through their strategies.

Dad comes to the rescue

At night, Dad showed me that my approach wasn’t right and that I misled our son. He pointed out that there are two sides to every story and that I needed to tell Barak both sides of the story. I know he is right. How annoying. Now I have to go fix the mess that I’ve made.

I’m sorry

On our drive to the tennis lesson today, I shared with the kids that I plan on apologizing to the coach for my outburst. Why? they asked. Because Mom doesn’t like to disrespect people and the tennis program has rules and I need to respect them. I planned on apologizing discretely when the kids are not nearby, but I ended up doing it with all four kids next to me.

Me: Coach, can we talk for a minute?

Coach: yes.

Me: I want to apologize for my outburst the other day. It was a very hard day and I was frustrated. I didn’t mean to disrespect you and your rules. We will come to our regular class on time from now on. I explained this to the kids in the car so they are with me now hearing my apology.

Coach: Its okay (he smiles surprised and turns to Barak). You coming to play, Barak?

Conclusions:

1. I can be very sharp-tongued when I am tired and angry. I’ve learned to control it over time but it arises whenever fatigue is in the vicinity. Academy Dad says that I always try to solve things by aggressiveness first and then turn to  diplomacy. He says I have it all backwards. He is right, of course.

2. People make mistakes. Its only natural. I am still not 100% convinced that I am the only one who made the mistake here but I wanted to do the right thing on my part. I feel much better.

3. I am so happy that this happened next to the kids even though I didn’t plan it. It sends a strong message of humility, I think. In other words, Mom can get off of her high horse and walk over and make things right by saying the right words.

4. Barak learned that plans can be changed and we can turn lemons into lemonade. Even though he was very disappointed that the coach said that he cannot play, we went home and had a great afternoon full of board games and fun.

Stay flexible, my boy, as life tosses unexpected situations in your direction.

Same advice goes to Mom.